Do I know it's christmas time at all?

Happy Hannukah to all... Oh and I think it must be christmas around this time of year too. And what am I doing to celebrate this joyous coming together of religious drinking opportunities?

Well, it's a strange story.

I thought originally that I would be serving myself a big plate of cold turkey and morose potatoes on my own in my poorly heating new appartement in Toulouse but as it happened a kindly angel decided to pass by my text message inbox and glory shone all round. I found myself invited to Bordeaux to pass Xmas and New Year with the delightful girl I knew here in the summer (see posts from august for more details). What could be finer?

Filled with festive cheer I organised myself what is called a covoiturage which explains itself if you know that voiture is french for car. I turned out to be sharing a car with a guy who's girlfriend of three years ran out on him a week earlier taking their 4 month old daughter with her. Instead of an explanation, he received notice that she was taking court action to ensure he would never be allowed to see his daughter. What a christmas present huh?

So we discussed this at length, me trying to be sympathetic but also constructive in French, something that would have been hard in english but I think I more or less managed. This having sapped me of some of my festive cheer, I arrived to a Bordeaux that struck me as being grey and white, or at least sepia, after the all-pervasive pinkness and beauty of Toulouse. I was picked up by my hostess' mum (Ornella was still in bed when I arrived, and would be so for a good long while after I arrived).

When I did finally see her, I found her to be in less than cheery mood and it is for this reason that I find myself alone in a strange internet cafe instead of in the bosom of her family home. It's been a bit strained: Ornella hates christmas with a passion that she is unfortunately unable to hide. Her dad is permanently hospitalised as he has very advanced alzheimer's and her mum and her sister's dad divorced around a year ago making this the first christmas of separation for the family.

For the good of Ornella's little sister (aged around 12) he was invited on Xmas eve (this is when they celebrate here) but both Ornella and her mum can't stand to be around him so the atmosphere was a bit strange.

On top of this, Ornella seemed to have forgotten when she invited me that she has exams straight after the Xmas holidays and she is in the middle of some serious cramming. This means that not only has she no time to entertain me but my very presence seems something of a burden. This is absolutely the last thing I wanted. I can stand being on my own and I can even stand being told to go home, but hanging around in a sort of limbo trying not to get in anyone's way (my bed is in the living room so there's nowhere to 'hide') is my worst social nightmare.

Last night we went out with some friends of hers but sadly they're all girls who haven't seen eachother for a few precious gossip weeks so I was very much sidelined while they nattered at top-speed in french about people I didn't know. Not top.

Happily the night ended at Ornella's boyfriend(!)'s house and his friends were all guys and all really cool so my sense of social self-worth was salvaged as we finished off the night in a much more fun, general chit-chat kind of way.

I still find that it's really really important for me to be actively included in the conversation and that people take a specific interest in talking to me if I am to play any part in the evening at all. This is of course true in any language but last night I got the feeling that the girls wanted to talk to each other and if they talked to me it was just to explain in idiot tones whatever I was unable (or just too uninterested) to follow. I was more the booby prize if everyone else was in the loo or on the balcony smoking a cigarette.

But hey, it's hardly the end of the world. I'm not seriously complaining. It's just a bit dissappointing to be invited somewhere and then not made to feel welcome.

I'm scheduled to be staying until New Year, but I think I'll organise my route home earlier as it's still another four days to new year and that's just too long to be feeling like a burden.

We'll see how things go. It's certainly an important reminder, if one were needed, of the power of distance to make people seem better than they really are. The girl I once thought I might be in love with has turned out to be no more than a petulant teenager still fighting with her mum and making her feel bad in order to make herself feel better. It's not really a world I'm accustomed to any more.

Next time I'm staying at home (by which I mean Toulouse!). It takes a period of separation before you know you're really attached to a place, and so far this little journey is working wonders.

Long live La Ville Rose.

See you in 2007.
Rob